Settling your child into Pre-K

30 July

Sunday mornings with young children can really be one of the most chaotic moments of the week. Sometimes, just getting to church (or even out the door) is half the battle.

If you’ve just started bringing your child to church or are thinking about encouraging them to participate in programs for the first time: we see you. We know it takes effort. And we want to make it as easy as we possibly can.

Here are a few things we’ve learned that can help your child settle into their program.

Before you even arrive

Talk about it during the week.
"On Sunday we're going to church! Mommy and daddy will be going to adult church, and you’re going to Kids Church with [leader's name or friend’s name]!" Kids take their cues from us. Setting their expectations, and framing it as something to look forward to can make a real difference.
Prepare the morning the night before.
Consider pre-packing bags, clothes, and pre-planning breakfast. A chill Sunday morning can start on Saturday night. The more chaotic the morning, the more frantic getting to church is, and the harder drop-off tends to be.
Don’t come starving.
A child who hasn't eaten is a child who will struggle. Feed them before you come. If adults get hangry, we shouldn’t be surprised if our kids get a bit grumpy too!

When you arrive

Aim to arrive early.
Coming late when a program is already in the swing of things and kids have already begun playing can be an overwhelming experience for a small child. Arriving early gives time for leaders to greet your child personally, introduce themselves, introduce your child to other kids, and establish a connection before things start. That head start can be the difference between a smooth drop-off and a hard one, especially if you’re leaving your child in the care of people that your child has just met for the first time.
Help them engage before you leave.
You don’t need to say goodbye at the door. If your child is a bit younger or it’s their first time, it can be best to walk in with them, and help them begin engaging in a toy or activity before leaving. Only after they’ve settled, then say goodbye. It's a small thing that can put them at ease, especially in a new environment.
Say goodbye clearly and warmly.
Some of us have an instinct to sneak out while our kids are distracted, but that’s about the worst thing we can do! (Imagine thinking that your safe person is behind you, and then suddenly realizing that your person is has disappeared. How scary!) A short, cheerful farewell ("I'm heading into church now, I'll see you right after! Have fun!") positively sets expectations for your child. Being calm and not overly-emotional communicates that “this place is safe, and I'll be back soon.”
Then actually leave.
Don't hover at the window. Don't peek around the door. If your child sees you lingering, it resets the whole process. Walk into the service, trust our leaders, and let them do what they're good at. (Remember, they’ll contact you if your child needs support!)

A brief word for parents doing potty-training:

Potty training adds a layer of complexity to drop-off, but we've got a clear system for it. Because our leaders are focused on supervising the whole group and can't step into the bathroom with individual children, our policy is that parents take their child to the toilet if they aren't fully independent yet.

If your child needs to go during the session, a leader will contact you so you can step out and assist your child. To give everyone the best start, we strongly encourage you to take your child for a "just in case" bathroom trip right before you sign them in.

About the tears

Separation anxiety is real and normal. It peaks somewhere between 12 and 18 months but can show up in children well past that, especially in new environments. So if you’re dropping off your child for the first time, we expect tears and that’s totally okay!

In almost every case, children settle within a few minutes of a parent leaving. The longer a parent stays to comfort a crying child, the longer this can take. (It can also give your child an expectation that you will stay in the program with them, if they continue crying.) Our leaders are experienced at redirecting, distracting, and settling new kids. And if you think your child needs a bit of extra love and support, please talk to one of our leaders so we can know to give that extra bit of care!

Rest assured: if your child cries persistently and cannot be settled, we'll come and find you. But that's rare. Usually by the time you've sat down, they're content and playing.

Realistic timeframes

It’s worth remembering that church is different from daycare. If your child goes to daycare, more likely than not, they attend more than once a week! (And so they have multiple opportunities each week to build familiarity and trust.) At church, there's a whole week between each visit. That means transitions naturally take longer (often four to six weeks of consistent attendance) before things feel settled.

If you miss a few Sundays in a row, you may find yourselves starting over when you return. This is why consistency is the single biggest factor in a smooth transition.

A few more things that can help:

Let your child pick something small to bring.
A favorite small toy or comfort item can help them feel secure in a new space.
Talk to our leaders.
If your child is particularly anxious, let us know before or during drop-off. We want to love your child well, and give them an especially warm welcome to help them know that they’re in safe hands.
Celebrate the small wins.
Transitioning usually isn’t something that happens quickly and easily. Just like all the other developmental changes they are going through, one change can sometimes make it feel like you’re starting from square one again. So make sure you celebrate the small wins: the first wave goodbye, the first "I want to go to church," the first time they tell you about what they learnt. All these things are worth celebrating (and we’re celebrating with you).

A last word: remember, transitioning to leaving your child in the care of our leaders is a team effort. We're investing in your child and we really do want this to make a difference to their lives. We're in this with you, and we want to help.

Silas Thiem